Why Does Anyone Still Think It’s OK To Listen To R. Kelly?
R. Kelly is one of the most successful R&B artists of our time. He’s sold 54 million records…
By celebrating R. Kelly and other men like him, whether it’s because they’re geniuses, family members or “pillars” of our community, we’re implicitly saying to victims of sexual assault that their bodies and stories don’t matter. You can be urinated on, married at an age when you cannot legally give your consent, manipulated and coerced. You can gather the courage to come forward to the police; however, we will honor, protect and revere the man who violated you, rather than honor your courage by ensuring your words aren’t in vain.
R. Kelly’s legacy isn’t that of a tortured genius who had legal woes. R Kelly’s legacy is one that shows me what happens when society is silent. If we look inwardly, we’ll admit that although we weren’t co-conspirators, in our silence we have become complicit. We didn’t shout enough. We didn’t demand more.
We didn’t demand more for Aaliyah, Tiffany, Tracy, Patrice, the young woman on the sex tape and the other girls who never came forward. And why should anyone else come forward? History has demonstrated that even if they do speak, we will reward their testimony not just with silence but with turning the radio up even louder.
The importance of consent: a narrative.
I will forever reblog this gifset.
look at how badass she is though i mean some of it gets on her too and doesn’t even give a fuck
She pours hot liquid on her own leg she’s that badass.
fire cannot kill a dragon.
Remember that intimate conversation you had with your son? The one where you said, “I love you and I need you to know that no matter how a woman dresses or acts, it is not an invitation to cat call, taunt, harass or assault her”?
Or when you told your son, “A woman’s virginity isn’t a prize and sleeping with a woman doesn’t earn you a point”?
How about the heart-to-heart where you lovingly conferred the legal knowledge that “a woman doesn’t have to be fighting you and you don’t have to be pinning her down for it to be RAPE. Intoxication means she can’t legally consent, NOT that she’s an easy score.”
Or maybe you recall sharing my personal favorite, “Your sexual experiences don’t dictate your worth just like a woman’s sexual experiences don’t dictate hers.”
Last but not least, do you remember calling your son out when you discovered he was using the word “slut” liberally? Or when you overheard him talking about some girl from school as if she were more of a conquest than a person?
I want you to consider these conversations and then ask yourself why you don’t remember them. The likely reason is because you didn’t have them. In fact, most parents haven’t had them."
Not being a rapist should not be a symbol of being a hero; it should be the bare minimum for decent behavior. Refusing to sleep with someone who is too intoxicated to consent or who is being forced into sex because someone is threatening her does not make you a “good guy;” it just means that you pass one of the lowest bars for basic humane treatment.
That these movies are using that act as some sort of shorthand for “hero” is troubling. It implies that these men are doing something extraordinary by resisting the urge (and often it is an urge that they have to resist, especially in the films where they end up having consensual sex with the women later) to rape or take advantage of these women. Ultimately, that narrative helps support the idea that avoiding rape is a difficult thing, something worthy of praise.
The truth is that avoiding rape isn’t hard. If you don’t have consent, you don’t have sex. If you’re not sure that you have consent, you don’t have sex. If you are unable to get consent because of the person’s condition, you don’t have sex. If you get consent and you don’t want to have sex, you don’t have sex."
The Invisible War (Kirby Dick, 2012)
guys this is a time where we could actually make an impact on the next tour by being super vocal about the grossness of Little White Lies like maybe they won’t perform it on tour if they get backlash
and i know it’s so fuckin catchy yall but it makes my heart hurt a bit to think about stadiums full of teenage girls who would literally sell their souls to touch the boys screaming along to this song
oh hey also:
i care approximately 900x more about young girls internalizing shitty messages about sex and dating and “playing hard to get” than i do about the feelings of five world-famous teenage boy multimillionaire popstars
so like… lol. get outta here, anon. who has the fucking power here? it’s the boys. they literally have ALL THE POWER in this situation. and they used it in a shitty way. calling that out doesn’t make me not a fan.
teenage girls > one direction always and forever
So are feminist going to go on a crusade against the song “Baby It’s Cold Outside” like they did against “Blurred Lines” because a man wants a woman to stay with him?
Sure! Good suggestion. >:)
The woman in Louis Armstrong’s original “Baby it’s Cold Outside,” says the following,
"I really can’t stay. I’ve got to go away. This evening has been so very nice…" as he continuously interrupts her, telling her not to leave because it’s cold out. "My mother will start to worry," she protests, "My father will be pacing the floor," but he continues to harass her as she complains about her drink possibly being spiked ("say, what in this drink?” she asks).
Through phrases like "I simply must go, the answer is NO," he still pressures and pushes her to spend the night with him.
I don’t think it takes a rocket scientist to see rape and rape culture in this song or in Blurred Lines. Great suggestion. You must really believe in feminism!
this is one of the things that makes me laugh/rage so much about the victim blaming lectures about womens clothing. You know how rape apologists say shit like “well it’s like waving a steak in front of a hungry dog. what did you expect???” .
What do I expect? i expect him not to take shit until he’s given permission.
let that sink in
you are literally more uncivilized and controlled by your urges than my fucking dog
Laurie Halse Anderson, author of Speak, on the question “Have any readers ever asked questions that shocked you?”
Read that again. Read it again, and again, and again. Over and over guys have asked her why Melinda was so upset about being raped. This is a girl who went to a party with friends. She was thirteen. She had a drink, because everyone else was. And a senior held her down and raped her while she was too drunk to get away.
And guys don’t understand why she was upset.
Read that again and then come back and tell me again why I should just shut up and take a joke when a comedian blows off rape as a big deal, or women’s bodies are casually treated as commodities in media. Remind me why I shouldn’t care about the very real harm that society’s treatment of women and sexual assault does.
A catcall is entirely about reminding you that you are not yours. The purity myth is entirely about reminding you that you are not yours. The fetishization of female purity in a world where catcalls are an acceptable form of communication telegraphs one thing very clearly:
“Women, stop sexualizing yourselves—that’s our job, and you’re taking all the fun out of it.”
The sexualization of women is only appealing if it’s nonconsensual. Otherwise it’s “sluttiness,” and sluttiness is agency and agency is threatening."
"we don’t know what their relationship is like in ‘little white lies,’ maybe they’ve known each other for years —"
THAT STILL DOES NOT EQUAL CONSENT
MOST RAPES ARE PERPETRATED BY PEOPLE THE VICTIM KNOWS WELL AND TRUSTS
And also, if it isn’t in the narrative of the song, you can’t give it the benefit of the doubt that they aren’t being gross just to try to combat other people pointing out that the song is gross. If it isn’t in the narrative that this is a long-simmering consensual thing, then it’s not. The context in no way gives any indication that she is consenting /right now/. It does not matter how many times you’ve consented before, if ever. It does not matter whether you consented an hour ago or a year ago or any span of time between or around. She set rules for tonight, for this instance, and he is planning to break them based on perceiving her clear-cut answers as “little white lies” instead of her determining her own desire to not have sex with him.
And it’d be gross whether they’d been friends since childhood and this is Christmas dinner or they met five minutes ago, drunk, at a stranger’s keg party. It does not matter. It does not matter what their previous relationship is or was. It does not matter that it’s One Direction and in YOUR estimation as a listener, “anyone” would say yes to them. They wouldn’t. And that’s really dangerous thinking and frankly, not something that they should be promoting to their audience OR that their audience/the would should be promoting back to them. Because when — not if! WHEN! — someone says no to them, it isn’t a little white lie. It’s a rule not made to be broken.
- freely given
- not obtained through coercive measures
- continually renewed
- absolutely necessary